Curses From a Millenial Witch

Via McSweeny’s. Read them all, but some highlights:

May you begrudgingly share your Hulu account with a sibling who watches the same series as you only at a slightly faster pace and totally loses your place. May this cause minor spoilers that frustrate you to no end.

Bane upon your Tinder profile! From now until eternity all your matches will wear fedoras at a jaunty angle and use the word “doggo” sincerely.

May you spend $80 on energy crystals only to realize that the energy is from ill-gotten, unethically sourced crystals with horrific mining conditions.

“Jaunty angle” still makes me laugh…